Plan B is the new Plan A
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
