What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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