yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
only you would photoshop your dick
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
