nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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