We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
