C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
