Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you didnt know i had herpes?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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