Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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