well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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