My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
