i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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