A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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