You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
