i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
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