I want you more than these girls want KFC
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
