you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
