that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize