i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
