Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
