I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
