I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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