you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
