Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
