I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
