Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
