I bet he comes in French.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
