Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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