I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
