I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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