You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
