I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
