I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
