If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
