I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
