He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Of course I have a pirate flag
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
