Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
