What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
