i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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