I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
