I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
