p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
