Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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