she was so not down for the gang bang
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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