you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
