I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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