If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
