Where is the hickey?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
