Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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