I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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