I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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