i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
