before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
