he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
