Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
