I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
