i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
