I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize