my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
