Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
