On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
