apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
