when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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