I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize