last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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