And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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