I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
