How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
