I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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