I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
